Now that the last road block is out of the way the road to WrestleMania can truly begin!
A lot of stuff was going on, some good, some even better! Well, that was generic…
Find out more by reading on!

Right, so we‘re gonna play a game.
I give you three tries and you‘ll tell me who opened the show… it was the Shield!
Of course it was!
Not only will Roman Reigns open Raw now that he‘s back for the rest of his life, after WrestleMania the Shield will be all kaputt because of Dean leaving.
So you better believe they‘ll milk them and milk them good!
Let‘s see how many different shirt designs they‘ll put out…
Roman told us that life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed.
He‘s got no regrets now that the band got back together for one last ride.
All three of them got shit to do. He wants to wrestle on Raw again, Dean… well, Dean‘s Dean so he himself probably doesn‘t know what exactly he‘s gonna do, but he‘s gonna do it, and Seth‘s gonna slay the beast at Mania.
Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some glow up in it!
That line about Dean cracked me up!
Not only was it funny it also made it really apparent that they‘re kinda bitter that he‘s leaving WWE for most likely AEW.
Right, I‘m gonna eat my Ultraman action figure if he‘s not gonna become a member of the AEW roster.
Well, back to Roman.
He sweet talked Seth a bit and then Dean and him left the architect alone.

Seth was about to say something, probably that the Brexit is just such a disaster, you guys, when none other than our man Paul, the advocate for the one and only true beast incarnate, the ender of the streak, showed up.
Seth essentially cut Paul‘s promo for him by going down the list of people that Brock had defeated in the past.
Really really really really big dudes, but Seth also added that the had trouble with smaller guys like AJ and Daniel lately.
Paul found a way to mansplain that one away.

Brock didn‘t have time to prepare, but he had more than enough time to prepare for Seth Rollins – and then Shelton Benjamin attacked Seth from behind.
Who needs time to prepare when you can pay people to ambush your enemies, right?

Seth Rollins vs. Shelton Benjamin:

It appears that Shelton is a really close friend of Brock‘s and that Paul, who was on commentary, paid him to attack Seth.
Is he a friend or hired gun, which is it?
But yeah, I laughed at the almost accidental manner he confirmed it.
In fact, I loved everything about his commentary.
At one point he even took a phone call and confirmed that Brock will be there next week because the commentary team is so dumb and stupid, complaining about Brock not showing up for work.
Cole replied that he was pumped that Brock was finally showing up for work.
Haha, that was hilarious, Cole!
And Paul, it could be worse, Byron could be there.
I absolutely loved that they‘re finally getting a proxy for Brock.
If he never shows up then have someone else show up.
I‘m guessing you still want him to hold the title for a few more years, so we need something new.
Yes, sorry, Seth.
I don‘t think you‘re the chosen one.
Especially not now that Roman‘s back again.
The match was fine.
A typical opener.
Seth won.
Nothing special.
The whole Shield opening and organic transition to Seth‘s solo segment and Paul and Shelton just went down like butter for me.
It didn‘t overstay it‘s welcome and just felt nice.
A good start is a good start.

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley for the Intercontinental Championship:

Oh, hey, it‘s the IC title!
Nice to see you buddy!
You weren‘t featured at Fastlane, so they put you here instead.
You‘re the new U.S. title, right?
I mean, they gotta have at least one championship that doesn‘t matter.
Now that Samoa Joe got the U.S. belt that can‘t be it anymore.
Hold on, hold on, reader!
Why are you protesting?
What do you mean they could just book every title strongly instead of having one that means nothing?
That‘s just stupid talk!
Go watch New Japan, ROH or, in the very near future, AEW.
Yeah, I hate it that they always seem to treat at least one belt like a hot potato.
But Finn probably won this match which means it‘s not a potato and…
What, reader, what are you trying to tell me?

Wait, so Lio didn‘t come out with Bobby, surprise rang the bell during the match and because Finn is a cat he got distracted and lost the title?
Well, I‘m done.
Just like a hot potato.
Okay, to be serious for a bit now I actually liked that Lio rang the bell.
Not only did he redeem himself for losing Bobby the title in the first place, but it also showed that there actually are consequences in wrestling.
Shocking!
If you take the hot potato thing of the equation this was a pretty cool moment.
And it also made sense for their feud.
Well, I‘m just so infinitely glad that they didn‘t do this at Fastlane!
Gosh, can you imagine the crowd reaction?
Well, or my reaction for that matter!
I would‘ve lost my crap completely if Fastlane would‘ve had one more match that was just about story!
Gaaaaaaaaah!

Well now.
I gotta calm myself down.
With a nice cup of tea and… Ronda Rousey being angry about something.
I guess the weather today really put her in a bad mood.

Or maybe she was carpooling with Braun and he showed her his poop app.
No, I didn‘t make this up, he mentioned it on an episode of Ride Along.
He actually has an app installed on his phone to keep track of where he took a dump.
Wrestlers are weird, man!
While Ronda telling us why she attacked Becky the night before didn‘t really calm me down it was pretty nice.
At first she insulted the audience.
Ronda, you‘re a good heel, you crossed the first heel item off of the list!
You just checked the list!
Anyone else missing Chris Jericho?
Anyone else gonna watch AEW just for him?
Back to Ronda.
She disqualified Charlotte because she wanted to make sure that she can humiliate both of the women that we love oh so much.
She even said that WWE could make this a handicap match and she‘d still win.
Now, Ronda!
Don‘t give Vince ideas!
This should be a triple threat, please!
And then something weird happened.

Dana Brooke came out…
Remember her episode of Ride Along where she talked about being gassy and taking huge dumps?
Why the heck are wrestlers so obsessed with digestion?
Anyway, she wasn‘t here to talk poop, she was here to stand up for the women‘s roster even though she‘s a small fish.
Usually Ronda does an open challenge after a ppv, so she wanted to accept that.
Well, heel Ronda doesn‘t do that anymore and instead she kicked her in her digestive system.
Ouch.
This was a great segment and I can actually see Dana become a household name in the future.
It‘s gonna take some work, but it‘s possible!
Step One: Don‘t talk about poop again!

Aleister Black and Ricochet vs. Bobby Roode and Chad Gable:

This was just here so that the shiny new toys of the tag division, Ric and Ale, could show us how awesome they were.
Well, and by beating Roode and Gable they also turned their three-way feud into a one on one thing, which is good.
Chad and Gable have no right to bicker about deserving a shot anymore.
They had plenty of opportunity and failed and now this can finally be just between the shiny new toys and the Revival.
Speaking of the Revival, the two traditionalists attacked Ric and Ale after the match.
Ah, the post-match attack, so traditional!
Lame match.
Thank u, next!

What was next?
Moment of Bliss.
Alexa hot.
Announced herself as host for WrestleMania.
And then Braun destroyed a car.
Boom.
Moving on!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. OKAY!

I‘ll talk about stupid hosts and SNL in more detail.
I just dooooon‘t care!
You do remember when New Day hosted Mania, right?
They just did like two small things and that was it.
It‘s not actually a job that gives you stuff to do for throughout the night.
She‘s not gonna talk about every single match and she‘s also not gonna wrestle!
And that‘s the thing!
The elephant in the room!
Does Alexa still wrestle?
What‘s going on?
Sure, she had a match, but she hasn‘t done a lot ever since she got injured.
It‘s sad.

Alexa, my former waifu, do you still wrestle?
In all honesty though, not only was she super hot, but her acceptance speech was just hilarious.
She is good on the mic, I give her that!
Good.
Moving on!
That‘s all that happened in regards to hosts and people and…
Ugh.
Alright!
I‘ll talk about Colin Jost and Braun Strowman.

Let me recap.
Colin Jost and his partner are comedians from SNL and they‘ll be special correspondents at WrestleMania.
Colin told Braun that wrestling wasn‘t real and now Braun hates him.
On this episode of Raw Braun got a car as an apology gift from him and on a card it read that he should treat it better than the limo of Vince, which Braun took as an insult.
He then destroyed the car as if he was a character in Street Fighter doing the bonus stage and handed the door to the guy who had given him the card.
He told him to tell Colin he‘ll get these hands.

Well, okay, Braun destroying things will never not be awesome, but this whole thing just pisses me off!
At one point in time everyone and their mother thought Braun would become the new Stone Cold!
We all thought that Braun could carry the company for the next ten years!
And now he‘s doing stupid comedy bits with Comedians no one outside of America has even heard of!
Okay, yeah, I‘ve heard of SNL, but Europeans really do not care about it.
Sorry!
Also, we all know that Braun‘s just gonna beat him u a bit at Mania and then that‘s gonna be it.
Just like Alexa they won‘t do more than one stupid little thing.
It‘s just gonna be pointless and Braun‘s too cool to become pointless!
Anyway.
Rant over.
Moving on!

To Elias!
Yes!
He‘s at the other end of moving on again!
How much I missed that joke!
Ah, it feels great!
Just like Braun will be at WrestleMania he was completely pointless.
No Way Jose interrupted him and as a result Elias beat him up.
You know what‘s way more important than that?
The fact that No Way Jose has stupid long green hair now!

Kill it with fire!
Lacey Evans also came out and… did she do something?
Does staring intently at Nia Jax count?
I don‘t think so.
Anyway, Nia‘s got a match.

Nia Jax vs. Natalya:

Because Nia had Tamina at ringside Natty got herself some backup as well!
Beth Phoenix!
I‘m supposed to be really excited about that, right?
I can‘t be because she‘s from before my time.
Wrestling is like a soap opera.
Sometimes you have no connection to characters from the past.
That‘s just how it is.
I appreciate that it‘s a rare thing to see her compete, though.
So there‘s that.
Tamina grabbed Natty‘s leg and then Beth jumped into the ring and the match ended in a no contest.
After Nia and Tamina had escaped from a beat down they were attacked backstage by Sasha and Bayley.
Triple threat I hear you calling!
I‘d rather Sasha and Bayley‘d defend their titles at TakeOver, but I guess this‘ll be cool, too.
Yeah, well, what can I say.
It wasn‘t much of a match, but Beth Phoenix was there.
I guess that‘s cool?
Just like feminine hygiene products this was never meant for me.

Triple H having a face-to-face with Drax the Destroyer however was always meant for me!
And I‘m just letting you know now that I‘ll only call Batista Drax from here on out.
It might not be original, but it sure is funny!
You know you‘re on the road to WrestleMania when Triple H feuds with someone really, really special.
Yes, I need that as an indicator.
The giant WrestleMania sign everybody points to isn‘t enough for me.
It‘s literally a sign and yet I need Hunter to tell me WrestleMania is coming.
Screw winter!
WrestleMania is way more important!

Drax had a billion bodyguards guard him on stage while Hunter was in the ring.
He lovingly christened them the Guardians of the Independent Scene.
Well, see?
Even Hunter made a Marvel joke!
That makes it okay for me to do it, too!
They went back and forth a bit.
Hunter called him a coward for not taking the beating Hunter had in store for him and Batista, eh, I mean Drax, told him they were gonna play by his rules and Hunter was gonna give him what he wanted.

No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
That went on for a bit and Triple H finally gave in and asked what the heck it was the Destroyer wanted.
He wanted one last match at WrestleMania to end his career on his terms.
To end Triple H‘s career on his terms.

Hunter accepted, but he added that this‘ll be by his rules, which are no rules.
Yeah, no holds barred. The match. The movie.
To recap, we‘re getting a no holds barred match between Triple H and Drax the Destroyer at the grandest stage of them all.
While Drax basically said this will be a career versus career match this stipulation is probably not set in stone yet.
I mean, with Batista, eh, Drax, being a big Hollywood man now it would only make sense for this to be his last ever match.
That way he could just focus on acting and no one would ever ask him again if he‘s ever gonna wrestle again.
Well, they probably still will, but in theory at least.
And yeah, as much as I‘m sadistically intrigued about the possibility of Hunter never wrestling again that‘s not gonna happen.
Hunter‘s gonna die in the ring.
As he should!
He should never stop never stopping!
Yeah, this segment was awesome!
And if you‘re not down with that, then I‘ve got two words for you:
Moving on!

You didn‘t expect two totally different words, did you?
Well, if you did, then suck it.
From one very big Mania match to the next one!
We were in Pittsburgh which is the hometown of Kurt Angle, who, say it with me now: won the gold medal with a broken freaking neck!
He announced that he will have his farewell match at WrestleMania.
So, one last match essentially.
At least for the WWE.
Yeah, I‘m kinda not buying that Kurt‘ll never wrestle again.
I mean, fool me once, right?

He already did this whole Farewell thing with TNA and then he moved on to WWE anyways.
Maybe it‘s just me being hopeful, but I just can‘t help but think that AEW might intrigue him just a tiny bit.
Even if that really ends up being Kurt‘s final ever match one thing‘s for sure: It‘ll be one heck of a Mania match!
Who‘ll it be against?
Well, he didn‘t say but I‘ve got two ideas.
First, let‘s talk about the idea that‘s more likely and why I don‘t want that.
Undertaker.
He doesn‘t have a match yet.
I don‘t want it because I still hope that Shawn Michaels will wrestle him this year.
Will he?
I don‘t know.
Who do I want to retire Kurt?

Well, I‘ll always only want one man to do the job.
Sadly I‘m not sure that it‘ll happen!
John Cena!
It would provide the perfect bookend to his career!
John Cena‘s very first match had him lose against Kurt so it would be just soooooooo good to have him beat Kurt in his last ever match.
It would be such a great moment and yet I don‘t know if it‘ll happen.
I don‘t know if it can happen.
Super Cena has been injury prone lately and he even missed the Rumble because of it.
While he‘s miraculously overcome injuries for Mania in no time flat before I‘m not sure that three months are enough time for Super John to get healed and ready.
I will never not want this and it won‘t surprise me in the least if it actually ended up happening, but there‘s always the possibility that John is simply too injured to wrestle at Mania.
It would be a shame, but that‘s life.
For now though, Kurt wanted to wrestle in his hometown one final time.
Kurt Angle vs. Apollo Crews:

And they picked a really good opponent for it.
It‘ll be sad to see Kurt ride into the sunset, so I‘m just gonna savor every moment that I still have with him.
I‘m gonna take a mental image of his German and frame it in my head.
I can‘t tell you that this match was uneventful because it was Kurt wrestling in his hometown for one last time.
He won.
I‘m all of the sudden really sad about Kurt quitting.
I‘ve got nothing else.


Okay, remember when Roman said that he wanted to wrestle on Raw again?
Remember when I said that I want Roman and Baron to continue feuding?
Well, Roman was actually scheduled to fight him on this here edition of Raw, but Baron wouldn‘t be Baron if he didn‘t have had Drew brutally attack Roman instead.
The match never happened, which made me sad, but what happened next made me really happy!
You see, Seth and Dean escorted Roman to the medical facilities and Dean was just furious!
He hated Drew so much for attacking his friend.
He approached Triple H, fuming.
He wanted to give Drew what he deserved in a falls count anywhere match.
Triple H smiled and told Dean hell yeah!

Dean Ambrose vs. Drew McIntyre in a falls count anywhere match:

While this made me happy on so many levels I also couldn‘t stop laughing.
Just when Dean is leaving they start to book him correctly!
Dean itching for a fight and going extreme.
That‘s all anyone ever wanted from him!
Dean included!

Why did it take WWE until the very last second to realize this?
It‘s the Doctor Who companion Principle all over again.
Right before they leave they become awesome.
I completely enjoyed this so I won‘t complain anymore.
The awesomeness started with Dean requesting this match from Hunter.
It was so poetic that Hunter was able to grand Dean something that he himself desperately wanted: revenge for his friend.
While Hunter has to wait till Mania he at least could make it a reality for Dean.
And then every single little thing about this match was awesome!

They didn‘t even start in the ring and it truly spilled out all throughout the arena!
They battled on the press area and Drew even attempted to throw Dean off of it!
They used crates, railings, and even fought outside in the merchandise area!
The sad thing about it was that that last bit happened during the commercials and they only showed highlights, but it still did happen, which is incredible!
They fought on stage, Drew threw Dean into the LED boards and the announce desk even played a big role!
It was just crazy inventive!
This is how I like my gimmick matches!

Yeah, sure, they were in the ring for one hot minute, but they almost left again immediately.
That was so great!
Usually the extreme gimmick matches might spill out into the arena, but they‘ll always mostly take place in the ring.
This one didn‘t and I wanna make babies with it because of it!
The carnage finally ended when Drew put Dean‘s arm through a railing by the stage and Claymore Kicked it into oblivion.
But even though Dean had lost he still wanted more.
I hope Dean gets his Mania street fight we all deserve!
This was nuts!
I‘m done!
Like a hot potato!
Rating: 5 out of 5

Did the hot potato I just ate go bad and made me hallucinate, or was this a really outstanding episode of Raw?
Sure, we had some filler stuff such as the Ric and Ale match, but even those felt justified because they were all building towards Mania.
Yes, I even believe that Elias will do something at Mania.
Even if‘ll only be winning the Andre Memorial Battle Royal.
And even Alexa and Colin will play a roll at Mania, so it all comes back to the big event.
The entire episode just felt grand, like a Hollywood movie!
Which is fitting considering Batista, eh, Drax, was on it!
We had three incredibly special matches announced (yes, I‘m counting Beth Phoenix even though nothing‘s announced yet) and they finally booked Dean right!
I mean, that was one hell of a falls count anywhere match, let me tell you that!
I‘m done!
This was amazing!

Did you love this episode, too?
Tell me in the comments.
Feel free to share me sudden love for Dean Ambrose with your friends!
I‘ll see you tomorrow for SmackDown!
Have a great day!
