KofiMania? – SmackDown 03/19 Review

Kofi Kingston got one last chance to fight his way to WrestleMania!
All he needed to do was beat five men in a row!
He did it, right? Right? Find out by reading on!


All Photos taken from WWE.com

Oki dokey.
I‘m sorry to disappoint you, but you‘re not going to find out if Kofi won until the end of this review.
Suspension, I guess.
Don‘t worry!
The rest of this episode was pretty dang dopeditty dope, too.
Starting with Miz‘s amazing promo on Shane, which showed once and for all why he‘s one of my favorite wrestlers of all time!
Another really great promo by the master of the great promo!
He started by telling us that for ten years he had done everything he could to make it to WrestleMania.
He had betrayed people, he was a bad guy.
The only relationships he didn‘t destroy were those with his family, including his father.
When Shane made it possible that his father actually told him that he loved him for the very first time of his life it became the best moment of his very life and yet Shane took it away by not only beating him up but also laying hands on his dad.
This had now become the worst moment of his life and he‘ll never forget seeing his father attacked by his former friend and partner.
People had told that this might happen. They had warned him to watch his back.
They had warned HIM! Him, who had been a major dick in more ways than one!
I absolutely loved the self reflection here.
Too often face turns come out of nowhere and everything the heel did is forgotten immediately.
Not here! This felt organic and authentic.
Miz admitted that he was awful and that he now had grown out of that.
He then continued that Shane wasn‘t the best in the world, he was the worst!
Just like his dad, Vince!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

They both grew up privileged while he had to fight his way through everybody and work harder than anybody to get here!
He did this by himself, even though everyone called him a joke!
Yeah, I remember just a few years back when Mick Foley made fun of him!
It‘s been only recently that people started to realize how great he is!
He did that on his own, through sheer hard work!
The audience chanted that he deserved it to which he reacted by improvising that they‘re right and Shane deserves an ass whooping at Mania!
This was awesome!
The thing that was striking was that he essentially used things that have already been said a hundred times, but he said it in a way that made it his own.
He made it feel unique and exciting.
Miz, you‘re a god!
You do indeed, deserve it!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Bayley and Sasha Banks vs. The Iiconics:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

I know what you might be thinking.
There‘s no chance in hell that this‘ll be any good!
It‘ll just be a quick jobber match for the Boss and Hug Connection and then we‘ll move on.
Well, you‘d be wrong about that!
This was actually a really good match!
Nobody was more surprised by that than me!
It started normal enough, with the Iiconics doing their pose.

All Photos taken from WWE.com

I love it when they do that, it‘s just so incredibly cheesy and ridiculous.
And after a few minutes Lacey Evans interrupted by doing nothing again and…
Oh, god! She‘s still not wrestling?
Really?
Jesus Christ, I give up!
This had the girls distracted and so it resulted in a win for the heels, right?
No!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

 

The wrestling match continued like normal!
And eventually Peyton pinned Sasha!
On her own!
No shenanigans, no interruptions, nothing!
The heels just won!
Which is amazing!
But it‘s even more significant because they actually had someone interrupt this and yet they chose not to use it and they still had the heels win!
This was dope!
Really good use of misdirection here!
Congrats!
Also congrats to the Iiconics!
You actually achieved something on your own here!

And who knows, maybe you‘ll even be added to the Mania Women‘s Tag title match because of it!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

At this point in the show I was beginning to realize that we were witnessing another really great episode.
Even a tiny moment like Rey Mysterio telling us in the locker room that he‘ll wrestle Joe for the U.S. title at WrestleMania felt important!
Why?

Screenshot taken from video on WWE.com

Because he had his son with him, told us he‘d follow in his footsteps and his son said he‘d be front row at Mania to see his dad do what he did best: take care of bullies.
Yeah, this just worked for me and there‘s no better way of starting to follow in Rey‘s footsteps than by getting involved in a Mania match.
If they‘re priming him for his debut, then this is a really good way!
Also, even if nothing like that comes of it Joe will surely find a way of using his family against Rey!
He loves to do that!
So yeah, even this tiny thing was awesome!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Speaking of awesome, next up was the new and improved Kevin Owens Show!
Why new and improved?
Well, he had fancy graphics and was wearing a red tie even, he was wearing it poorly, but he was still wearing it!
That cracked me up hard!
Kevin wearing a tie is like my dad trying to twerk.
Two different worlds that should never cross paths!
While he wished Kofi good luck for later he wasn‘t his guest.
No, that honor went to my girl, my waifu, Becky and her former bestie Charlotte Flair.
What made this all amazing was the fact that they said nothing.
Kevin just went down through their feud with the help of his trusty cue cards.

All Photos taken from WWE.com

He told us what both sides had said and then concluded that he was sick of talking!
He wanted fight, Becky, fight and fight, Charlotte, fight!
Well, this segment ended in a brawl and it was magnificent!
Kevin‘s comedic timing was just off the rails and you know me!
I love it when wrestlers just fight instead of talk!
This hit all the right notes for me!
So far we only had winners!
Now, do you guys think a red tie would work for me?
Wait, you don‘t know what I look like!
Never mind, then!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

AJ had an interview and even this was great!
He told us that Randy might‘ve built the house that was SmackDown, which gave him the home-field advantage, but he didn‘t care.
At Mania he‘ll tear the house down!
This had more than one meaning!
He‘ll tear down Randy‘s house and he‘ll also perform really greatly.
Oh, you already got that on your own?
My bad!
Yeah, this was short, sweet and cool.
He then wished Kofi good luck.
I love that everybody, including Miz, wished Kofi good luck or talked about him in some form.
This builds the suspense and shows us that everything is organic.
The world of wrestlers doesn‘t just exist in a vacuum, they‘re all connected.
By showing that the faces are all rooting for Kofi they make this whole thing feel more like something real and not just a show, not just a product.
And I‘d also like to say one more thing before we move on to Kofi‘s fight for a spot at WrestleMania.
They absolutely crammed this episode full with everything important!
Everybody who was going to do something at Mania had a segment!
This made the episode really memorable!
Wait, Asuka didn‘t do anything…
Well, she probably won‘t have a Mania match, then.
And I also don‘t care about Mandy rose, do you?
I can‘t even complain about the Women‘s champion not being featured!
This episode was just really good and they couldn‘t have possibly crammed her in, too!
Sometimes the best decision is to leave someone off the show.
Right, let me get to Kofi‘s quest for greatness already!

Screenshot taken from video on WWE.com

One Man, One Match, Five Opponents, One Opportunity!
I should write taglines for Marvel!
Before this whole thing started Daniel came out and bitched about Kofi not deserving another chance.
He already had his chance, he‘s just a b-plus player unlike him.
Wait!
A few years ago you were considered a b= player yourself!
You conviniently forgot that fact, Daniel, didn‘t you?
But whatever, Rowan was wearing a Kreator shirt.
Of course he was!
About damn time he showed them some love!
Now all that‘s missing is a Slayer shirt!
New Day ended this rant and Kofi‘s team mates were barred from ringside while he was going against five opponents to fight his way to WrestleMania!
One last chance!
Here we go!
it‘s all or nothing for Kofi!
Will he win?

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Gauntlet Match:

 

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Well, it‘s kind of a given that Kofi will win, right?
He‘ll beat all five opponents and then he‘ll go to WrestleMania.
Otherwise what‘s the point of this match?
It‘s only here for Kofi.
The others weren‘t offered a match against Daniel, only he was.
And maybe that‘s why this whole match feels fishy.
It felt to me like Kofi winning was just a formality at this point.
Alas, it‘s pretty obvious that the resulting match-ups were pretty great nonetheless.
So, let‘s talk about the first one!
For the first opponent Sheamus actually lasted quite a while!
I thought he‘d dispose of him quickly and then move on to the next opponent, but he didn‘t.
The Irishman did a nice job of trying to stay alive to beat Kofi.
After Kofi was able to hit Trouble in Paradise he beat him and advanced to the next opponent.
Backstage New Day were throwing a viewing party that was beginning to grow.
The Usos were there!
Seeing them eat pancakes is now my new favorite thing!
Yeah, even this tiny detail is awesome because it‘s, well, a tiny detail!
That‘s how you enhance things!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

The Swiss cyborg didn‘t last nearly as long as his partner did.
He failed to kick Kofi out of Mania after an S.O.S..
But I liked this match-up!
Kinda obvious that every opponent will be good.
I need to translate this was good into other language again!
Here, have some Afrikaans:
Dit was wonderlik!
Right, so the viewing party backstage just grew and grew.
Everybody was excited to see Kofi do so well!
They all wanted to see him win!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Kofi Kingston vs. Rowan:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Daniel Bryan‘s intellectual peer didn‘t wanna see him win!
In fact, no heel wanted to!
Just the good guys!
Rowan did his best to play spoiler by essentially getting himself disqualified right away through the use of illegal objects such as chairs.
He didn‘t care, for him it was all about inflicting damage and making it harder for Kofi to advance.
He even put him through the announce table!
Yeah, this was just a beating and I love it!
Keep stacking the odds against Kofi, that‘ll make it a tiny bit more organic when he wins and makes it to Mania.
After this beating, let‘s lighten the mood with a fun thing I noticed.
In the audience you could see one dude lovingly and jokingly choke his friend.
Oh, friendship, how great it is!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Kofi Kingston vs. Samoa Joe:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Anyone else feeling a bit burned out?
Yeah, sure, the match is awesome, but because we all know Kofi will win and make it to Mania it kind of felt like it all just didn‘t matter.
Of course Kofi fought tooth and nail against Joe, and of course he didn‘t go night-night.
This made Joe furious!
It‘s so great that he simply takes it for granted now that he‘ll kill people whenever he steps in the ring.
This delusion makes him work.
Kofi pinned Joe almost by accident and then Joe just went all commando on him.
Yeah, Joe‘s not a great loser!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Randy was the final competitor and with Kofi being essentially lifeless after Joe‘s attack he had a fairly big advantage going into it and he destroyed him some more on the outside.
I‘m surprised by how surprisingly street fighty this whole gauntlet was!
They really focused on bad dudes laying the hurt on Kingston, which was great!
Pretty much the entire face roster was now watching the match backstage.
The room was packed, dude!
The whole time Randy tried to get an RKO in, but he just couldn‘t.
He hit him with other moves, yes, but not an RKO.
The pace got really quick, unusually so for Randy, and Orton just proceeded to destroy Kofi.
But because he couldn‘t get the RKO in Kofi won almost out of nowhere!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

They told us that this was the greatest performance of all time just because he was the first man to ever beat five opponents in a row.
I‘m not gonna fact check that, but I‘ll still call bull on it.
Just because he was the first to do it doesn‘t automatically make this the best thing since fire!
The match was really great, yes, but something was missing.
It felt a bit off to me.
There was something not right…
His New Day team mates celebrated with him nonetheless.
Vince McMahon came out, too, and he congratulated him.
Indeed he‘d go to Mania, if he was able to beat just one last man!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan:

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Oh, I hate this!
It‘s yet another stone in the way of Kofi and it will not matter because he will beat Daniel as well.
That‘s the only thing that can happen here!
By him beating Daniel they make his Mania match matter less because he will have already beaten Daniel!
After having survived five men, no less!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

I hate it when the face beats the heel champ before a really big title match.
The resulting match was pretty good though, not gonna lie.
Right, let‘s watch Kofi pin Daniel to get to my final thoughts.
Wait, what just happened?
Daniel Bryan won?
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You‘re telling me that after all that Kofi had been put through, surviving an hour in a gauntlet match, going through hell at Elimination Chamber and now beating five opponents in a second gauntlet match, he lost to the champion Daniel Bryan?
You‘re telling me that the champion is actually better than the challenger?
You‘re telling me that the obvious thing of Kofi making it to Mania didn‘t happen?
You‘re telling me that WWE played us all for fools, making us believe that there was just no chance Kofi could not win?
He, Kofi, did win the gauntlet, but he didn‘t make it to Mania because he failed to beat yet another artificial obstacle from Vince!
Holy shit!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

This was amazing!
The ending justified everything that happened before it!
They subverted every wrestling cliche and went against our expectations!
This was wild!
Crap!
I know why Raw was so shit now!
The writing staff wasn‘t playing the Division 2!
They were all working on SmackDown to make sure that this was the best that it could be!
This was wild!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

Wanna know the best thing about it all?
I have no idea how the story will continue next week!
Yeah, Kofi will probably find his way to Mania and into a match against Daniel, but how?
Will he have to survive yet another gauntlet match at Mania?
Will he have to wrestle Vince at Mania to get to what he wants?
I have no idea, and that‘s absolutely delicious!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

 

Holy crap, guys!
They actually did make this the greatest thing since fire!
This episode was just unreal!
Not only was the ending and the story for Kofi off the charts and unexpected, everything else was amazing, too!
Down to the very last detail they crafted a diamond of an episode!
I‘m kind of speechless right now!
We get a lot crap sometimes for loving wrestling.
After all it‘s predetermined and the stories can be cheesy.
But I think this very episode holds water as an argument for us loving wrestling.
It‘s in those moments where they don‘t do the obvious thing, where everything just clicks.
It‘s in those moments where they absolutely create something special!
Sometimes they don‘t just give us great sports entertainment, no, they simply give us outstanding entertainment, period!
They excite us to our very cores and after all this is exactly why we love wrestling.
We just want to be excited!
And I don‘t care whether you‘re watching Game of Thrones or WWE, we all want excitement!
This was exciting, all right!
WrestleMania can‘t come fast enough!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

 

Did you think Kofi was totally gonna make it to Mania, too?
Tell me in the comments!
Feel free to share my two cents on the greatest thing since fire with your friends!
This was nuts!
I‘ll see you tomorrow for NXT!
Have a great day!

All Photos taken from WWE.com

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