The second night of CoronaMania was… actually better!
Who would‘ve thought?
Find out more by reading on!
Well, this was better.
I give them that.
For the most part it was still the same as night one.
No special segments, no fun to be had here.
Okay, Gronk did win the 24/7 belt, which admittedly was a lot of fun, but other than that just wrestling matches.
Blame it on me actually getting used to this situation or the matches just being more interesting, but this night wasn‘t too bad.
It was more interesting.
This is exactly why I said they should‘ve turned it into a one nighter instead of a two night thingy.
But I digress.
On night two there was still stuff they could‘ve easily left out.
I didn‘t really need to see the Street Profits fight the B-Wrestlers that were just kinda there.
Even if it was pretty cool to see Bianca BelAir help them out in the end, the whole match just felt like I had already seen it a billion times.
Bayley retaining against four other women also felt too long and really accomplished nothing.
It was just the most boring twenty minutes I saw all week.
And I did watch a video of paint drying.
And oh god!
Oh my fucking god!
Why the hell was Black versus Lashley a thing?
The match was fine, I guess.
Obviously Black won and that‘s why this match happened.
Black was pushed onto the card to remain relevant.
There was no real reason for them to fight, no conflict, no story – nothing!
This was just a match because WWE said so.
And for Mania I really hate that kind of stuff.
Finally for shit I didn‘t enjoy, as cool as the Charlotte and Ripley match was, it could‘ve been on NXT instead.
I just don‘t know what to feel about this one.
I like Charlotte in theory – but I also don‘t!
There‘s something about her that‘s starting to feel generic.
She doesn‘t feel fresh anymore.
You know who feels fresh?
The fucking Kool-Aid Man!
No, I mean Rhea Ripley, of course!
And what did they do?
They let her tap to Charlotte.
I hate it when the Baby taps!
Babies should never ever tap!
Never!
Charlotte‘s the new NXT Champ now.
Goodie…
Before we get to the good shit – and there was some reeeeeeaaaaaaalllll fine ass shit – I need to talk about two matches that needed to be on WrestleMania, but sucked balls!
The first one was Drew McIntyre beating Brock Lesnar to win the WWE Championship in the main event.
I knew this was gonna happen and I got exactly what I expected.
The typical four minute Brock Lesnar match.
Nothing special at all!
And this was your main event?
Granted, they had Drew defend his newly won belt against Big Show right away in a Dark Match, but if you do something like that, something interesting, do it on the actual fucking event and not just show it on Raw.
So, eh, this was a disappointing main event, but I never thought it would be anything but.
And the match preceding that also sucked, because I wanted it to be something it was not!
Yes, I‘m talking about the Firefly FunHouse Match!
I hated it!
And I‘m gonna tell you why.
I miss John Cena!
Matt Hardy and Chris Jericho are seriously kicking his ass right now when it comes to being my favorite wrestlers.
I‘m kind of forgetting why I love John Cena.
I just love him because I always did.
But there‘s nothing to love about him now.
Call me old fashioned, but I want my favorite wrestler to wrestle!
Fuck, even Undertaker wrestles more these days than John Cena!
I was expecting so much out of this!
Maybe that‘s on me.
Sure, you could do it in a more cinematic style a la the Boneyard Match, but that one was essentially a big ol action movie.
The Firefly FunHouse felt more like a really elaborate promo.
John Cena got dragged into the FunHouse world (yeah, just roll with it) and instead of wrestling he portrayed not only older versions of himself, but also old era wrestling type personas.
And then in the end the Fiend showed up and just pinned him.
This wasn‘t a match.
This wasn‘t even an action movie.
This was just boring.
Sorry, but this could‘ve and should‘ve been so much more.
I expected crazy action like that weird house match that Bray had had with Randy in the past.
I wanted something like that.
But I got boring.
Just because John Cena is a big name doesn‘t mean they get away with not using him.
He can‘t just show up, act a little bit and then everyone pretends he‘s still the best wrestler the company has.
That‘s not how it works and it hurts my little chili pepper heart to say it, but he‘s just not the John Cena I fell in love with.
Let him make movies, that‘s okay.
But stop pretending he‘s still a wrestler when he‘s clearly not.
Oh, one more thing, switch the Boneyard and FunHouse match around and the impact of this would‘ve been so much better.
We expected so much out of this because we had already seen greatness.
Compared to the boneyard, this was hot garbage.
There‘s two more matches I want to discuss.
The match with the best story of the weekend and the straight up best match of the weekend.
It‘s those two matches that elevated night two over one in my humble opinion.
So, what match had the best story?
Otis versus Dolph Ziggler!
I never thought I‘d say that, but it was so awesome!
The story they told just worked.
From start to finish they did everything right, which is cray-cray!
They set up Mandy liking Otis organically, they introduced early on that Sonya is not a fan of it and her sabotaging their date with Ziggler‘s help just made sense!
And then there‘s crazy reveal that some hacker dude actually had the footage of it happening!
Yeah, usually they say shit like “oh, I found a backstage video lying around somewhere” but not this time!
They actually made a story element out of it!
Now what the story will lead to I‘ve no idea, they might just forget to reveal who the hacker actually is.
The really, really, really best case though?
CM fucking Punk!
I don‘t think it‘s gonna happen, but Punk as a hacker who reveals the truth?
Yeah, that would be perfect!
Also, they usually use Ziggler for new or returning talent as a stepping stone so that too would check out.
It probably won‘t be him or it‘s just gonna be someone we don‘t care about or they just forget about it and act as if it never happened.
Because of this story going in and the beautiful payoff of Mandy helping Otis out in the end and them kissing – finally, finally kissing – the match was just so much better than as if there would‘ve been no story.
Like with Aleister and Bobby….
Yeah, I‘m the story guy, so of course I say that, but tell me you weren‘t invest as fuck in this story!
You really wanted Otis to win, not just the match, but Mandy too.
And he did.
And it was great!
The match too – it did not suck!
Brilliant!
A solid match and a crazy good story!
This is the kind of wrestling I want to see way more of!
Now, let me get one thing straight here!
Edge versus Randy was far from perfect.
Editing instead of one constantly following camera would‘ve made it flow way better, it was probably two minutes too long and the commentary actually distracted from it more than it added.
But this is the best WrestleMania match because it made me give a shit about Randy Orton!
Yeah, slow and methodical really works well in a Last Man Standing match in an empty arena.
Turns out you can really use shit when you‘ve got shit to use.
Lol.
Edge was the driving force for making it work.
He made this into a story about a man battling his best friend who had wronged him and insulted his wife all under the guise of helping him.
And in the end he had to take him out not because he wanted to, but because he had to.
At the end of it, after really interesting spots (he hung from a boardroom ceiling for instance!) Edge, almost breaking down with tears, ended it all with a chair shot to Randy‘s neck.
Mamma Mia!
He ended it the way Randy started it, which was just nice storytelling.
Honestly, this was one of the best story matches I‘ve seen in a long bit.
I actually had pee in my eyes and I don‘t really care about neither Edge nor Orton!
When two wrestlers can make someone care who doesn‘t want to it means that you‘ve got something really special.
This was by far the best match of the weekend.
It came out of left field and I wasn‘t expecting to care for it as much as I did, but I did and it was great.
That the best match of the weekend was really flawed just goes to show you how wrong WrestleMania was this year.
I think I still like that they did it, but they could‘ve done so much more with the concept.
As NXT proved with the One Final Beat match, they know how to do things right, and I think they learned that here.
We wouldn‘t have the best wrestling match in the history of the sport (One Final Beat – trust me, I‘ll ge to it eventually) if it wasn‘t for this.
So I‘m grateful that WWE entertained us.
Even if it wasn‘t as good as it would‘ve been in the alternate reality where Corona isn‘t a thing.
I‘m not gonna rate this event.
I‘ve said my peace with the quality and am just thankful for the few really good, or noteworthy, matches we got.
Even a little bit of happy goes a long way these days.
Stay safe and healthy.
I thought I‘d be harsher on Mania.
Hm, has Corona made me a softy?
Tell me in the comments!
Also, what was your favorite CoronaMania match?
Feel free to share this little bit of happiness with your friends.
I‘ll see you next week for Big Show shenanigans (hint, hint).
Have a great Sunday!